LENA: Hi, I need to cancel my Cats Galore calendar subscription.
OPERATOR: Of course! And you picked a great day to call!
LENA: I did? Why?
OPERATOR: It’s Saturday! Around here, we call it #Caturday!
LENA: I… yes, I know what #Caturday is. Why is my cancellation subject to a hashtag?
OPERATOR: It means I get to use my favorite script! It’s way more fun than the weekday one. Okay, first things first: to cancel, we just need to go through The Purr-fect Goodbye Plan!
LENA: The what? Look, I just want to stop the calendars okay.
OPERATOR: And we want that for you, too! Now, the first part of the plan is a fun little icebreaker.
LENA: But, I don’t want an icebreaker.
OPERATOR: Note taken! On a scale of one to majestic, how would you rate the fluffiness of the tail on Sir Reginald Pounce, our cover model for May?
LENA: Dangit! Just let me cancel this.
OPERATOR: Oh dear, you sound stressed. The plan isn’t working. Don’t worry, I can transfer you to my supervisor.
LENA: Yes! Please! Thank you!
OPERATOR: Before I pass you along the techno conveyor belt, we are offering a 5 year Ultra Cat Mania Calendar Subscription for $399.99, the real price was 400 but there’s a mistake on of the months, so, ya know.
LENA: No. … No, no, no, no, no. … And no.
OPERATOR: Okie dokie, and just to let you know, he’s more of a dog person, so he has a different script. Before I send you over, can you confirm the company you were calling?
LENA: Yes! It’s Cats Galore!
OPERATOR: Hmm. That’s not what I have here. My screen says Chads Galore.
LENA: …What did you say?
OPERATOR: Chads Galore. It’s a support hotline for people annoyed by dudes named Chad. But I can still transfer you! I bet my supervisor has a Chad story or two.
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View Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
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